Dear Mother Nature,
Yes, it’s that serious.
Look at this shit.
Hell to the motherfucking no. You’ve done fucked up this time. It is May 12th. Do you understand that, you hobag? It is May 12th. I should be comfortable in a tank top and Daisy Dukes (that is, if I was into that kind of thing). I should be able to wear flip flops. Most importantly, it should not be 53 degrees just two weeks before Memorial Day. Seriously, it feels like I’m ass naked and soaking wet. This is how people get sick, M.N.
I know times are hard. I know you’re a bit hormonal because Father Time isn’t giving you the time of day, but don’t take it out on us. What did we ever do to you? You know, other than pollute you with our cars and power plants? M.N., you’re sweet when you’re not on the rag. So take some Midol, get a vibrator, and straighten this shit out.
Yes, it’s that serious, and I thought you should know that since we have a good relationship with each other.
Nat Marie L.
PS: The dahling says hi.