I don’t know what the heck is wrong with me. Maybe it is just me, but I’m sensing myself with a lack of confidence in anything I do online. Well, it’s more on the lines of I can’t seem to find the one thing that’s unique that I can contribute to the blogging world. I was never a strong layout maker. I’m looking at so many layouts and they look beautiful. Granted, I’m content with some of mine, but it’s still not enough. Granted, I think I’m much better from when I was on n0madic.net 3 years ago, but still, I feel it’s not enough. I’m trying different styles, and like the Spades theme, I succeeded. But with another theme that I replaced with the Butterfly 2.0 theme, I trashed it. I’m working on one right now that is summer-themed. I spent about an hour just making the header, and coding…forget it. I’m still working on it, and I have been for the past 3 days. I’m nowhere near done. I’m really close to just trashing that. I’m not one to resort to default themes. I’m starting to think that maybe it might be a good idea sometimes.
So I rely heavily on blogging. Something that I don’t do very often. There’s a reason for that–unlike some people, I don’t really have anything interesting to write about. Unless you want to hear that I take a shit in the morning1 and dream about getting some dick every night, then really, I don’t have much of anything to blog about. I have several blog entries that are just random tidbits. I have several entries that are just full of angst. Then the are ones that effectively pisses people off. Even my writing style is overdone. I use biting sarcasm and snide remarks. It doesn’t seem to be working very well. It’s already been done by someone else–probably even better. I’m trying to go a whole different direction with Crestfallen–I started with that entry about alli. It worked, and I’m proud of that. So that’s what I’m going to do again–make more interesting blogs like that. Good luck to me, huh?
Writing has always been my strongest subject. If anything, I have to rely mostly on that. I guess it’s not all bad, but I would absolutely love to find my niche. It’s been over 3 years since I started blogging. I have not yet found that one thing that can keep people coming. I don’t need Antihero–I’m probably going to six that project eventually. I’m dropping the review site (for now). I’ve thought about doing a dream journal. Maybe I’ll put those in here instead. I don’t know what to do with P739. I sure as hell ain’t closing it–but I need to kick it in the ass so the member count, post count and all other counts can go up.
I don’t know; I’ve had these bouts of uncertainty and lack of confidence before. This too shall pass, hopefully, not a moment too late.
FYI: This was not triggered by anything but my own insecurities. In case someone sees this and bites my head off about being sensitive.
1:Yeah, this was TMI. Oops. And for the record, I do not shit in the morning.