Lack of confidence.

I don’t know what the heck is wrong with me. Maybe it is just me, but I’m sensing myself with a lack of confidence in anything I do online. Well, it’s more on the lines of I can’t seem to find the one thing that’s unique that I can contribute to the blogging world. I was never a strong layout maker. I’m looking at so many layouts and they look beautiful. Granted, I’m content with some of mine, but it’s still not enough. Granted, I think I’m much better from when I was on n0madic.net 3 years ago, but still, I feel it’s not enough. I’m trying different styles, and like the Spades theme, I succeeded. But with another theme that I replaced with the Butterfly 2.0 theme, I trashed it. I’m working on one right now that is summer-themed. I spent about an hour just making the header, and coding…forget it. I’m still working on it, and I have been for the past 3 days. I’m nowhere near done. I’m really close to just trashing that. I’m not one to resort to default themes. I’m starting to think that maybe it might be a good idea sometimes.

So I rely heavily on blogging. Something that I don’t do very often. There’s a reason for that–unlike some people, I don’t really have anything interesting to write about. Unless you want to hear that I take a shit in the morning1 and dream about getting some dick every night, then really, I don’t have much of anything to blog about. I have several blog entries that are just random tidbits. I have several entries that are just full of angst. Then the are ones that effectively pisses people off. Even my writing style is overdone. I use biting sarcasm and snide remarks. It doesn’t seem to be working very well. It’s already been done by someone else–probably even better. I’m trying to go a whole different direction with Crestfallen–I started with that entry about alli. It worked, and I’m proud of that. So that’s what I’m going to do again–make more interesting blogs like that. Good luck to me, huh?

Writing has always been my strongest subject. If anything, I have to rely mostly on that. I guess it’s not all bad, but I would absolutely love to find my niche. It’s been over 3 years since I started blogging. I have not yet found that one thing that can keep people coming. I don’t need Antihero–I’m probably going to six that project eventually. I’m dropping the review site (for now). I’ve thought about doing a dream journal. Maybe I’ll put those in here instead. I don’t know what to do with P739. I sure as hell ain’t closing it–but I need to kick it in the ass so the member count, post count and all other counts can go up.

I don’t know; I’ve had these bouts of uncertainty and lack of confidence before. This too shall pass, hopefully, not a moment too late.

FYI: This was not triggered by anything but my own insecurities. In case someone sees this and bites my head off about being sensitive.

1:Yeah, this was TMI. Oops. And for the record, I do not shit in the morning.

14 thoughts on “Lack of confidence.”

  1. I’ve been feeling the same way about my own site lately. It’s hard to find your niche online. There are so many bloggers out there and it’s difficult to make yourself stand out. The best advice I can offer is to think about what you like to see on a website and try and offer it on your site.

    A dream journal would be an interesting idea, but I would never put one up on my site. I’ve thought about it, but most of my dreams are so personal that they’re almost like diary entries. They reveal little details about myself that I wouldn’t want anyone to know.

    Good luck finding your place online! Don’t be too discouraged if it takes a while though. Have a look around at other sites and see what works for them.

  2. ::sigh:: I miss you and I feel you about being insecure online lately. Why do you think ALIAS was tanked? Lol. It’s like I’ve lost all the creativity I had with Euphoria and I’m trying to force it to come back and it’s not working. I’ve decided that I just need to take it one day at a time and before I know it my inspiration will be back. I suppose, time will only tell. Stupid, Mr. Time.

  3. We’re always hard on ourselves when it’s our own work. I personally cannot make a layout in one day though. Just because it’s taking more time doesn’t mean it’s not working. And it doesn’t matter much what others think in my opinion if you like your own layout. It takes a lot of practice and thought to make a good layout. I’m quite picky about my layouts. I personally like this one you have now. Complete and utter originality was lost centuries ago. Everything is inspired by something, we just do it in our own way. Don’t worry that others have done the same sort of thing, that’s not what really matters.

  4. I’ve been feeling the same way… not about my blog writing, but about my writing in general… and now I have to go write a paper for class. Gah.

    Love your layout!

  5. No more lack of confidence! First off, this layout is great. It’s original, simple, and elegant. Second of all, a dream diary is a GREAT idea! I wish I had thought of it. I used to keep a dream diary, for a few years actually, and it’s a really cool thing to do. Don’t get too down on yourself! But if you have to, I understand.. I’m the same way about myself and web design and such. oy!

  6. Those layouts always bring us down, don’t they? Anyways, it sucks you are feeling this way… I really hope you can get out of your layout block with minimal problems.

  7. Awww, this is not good 🙁 This layout looks really good and you’re obviously talented enough to use WordPress (heck, I’m still on bloody cutenews!) You shouldn’t feel so down. Your site is original and I’ve been reading through some of your blogs and the stuff you write actually interests me. I enjoy random tidbits haha. Makes me see your everday life a bit more visual lol.

    xoApriLxo

  8. I have always believed that if you are constantly improving and that you are happy with your work then you’re moving in the right direction. Don’t be afraid or intimidated by others on the internet and take the time to develop your own style. Even if it takes you weeks to create a theme, so be it, as long as you believe it’s a quality end-result and you are proud of it. But never forget to continually improve, that’s probably what I believe is the most important thing to do if you want to stay on top of your online activities.

  9. There are lots of personal web pages on the internet. We all know that. And yes, it has been a competition ever since. We all wanted more visits than anyone. But I guess as long as you write through your feelings, and you believe writing is your forte then that’s good. Don’t need a fancy layout and such.

  10. the majority of blogs aren’t particularly unique or spectacular looking but i think that’s what draws people to them. it’s nice to read something real, from real people. and even if you don’t think it’s that interesting, other people will 🙂

    i liked the honesty in the writing. and admitting a lack of confidence is something a lot of people can relate to!

    x

  11. I’m kind of over the whole “trying to out-do myself” with designs and etc. That’s why I don’t change my layouts that much and recycle something old, lol.

  12. I usually don’t comment on people’s personal feelings, but I just hope you feel better in time. Write to let the frustration/anger/whatever out.. 🙂

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