Deja Vu all over again…

Out of boredom (and curiosity), I decided to go on to the mysql archives on U-o-me (which I have long neglected since then). I was reading a few of the entries that I left there, and this one stuck out. This was last year, by the way.

I hate New Years. Ever since he neglected me, I would cry my eyes out to ring in the new year. I hope that he burns in the lower depths of hell with Satan and Tom Cruise. :pissed:

I don’t know what it is, but ever since him, I haven’t made a single attempt to date around anymore. Maybe it’s because I can’t trust guys anymore? Or maybe I’m just waiting it out for the right girl to come and give me a taste of sexual goodness? In any event, this new year, I want to get laid. My ultimate resolution–even before losing weight–is to get fucked. Now, I’m not a slut or anything, but I could use a dick or something. It’s been too long. I forget how it felt to…

Wait, hold up. I never felt anything with him.

Gah, it is all his fault!

Auld Lang Syne…my ass. It’s just gonna be the same shit. Just a different year.

Same shit, different year
Like I really fucking care
Maybe one day it would be
A perfect little year for me.

Sound familiar much? Jeebus cripes, I need a new M.O. I’m becoming way too predictable. Well…my luck with guys still sucks. So I guess I was right. Same shit, different year.

It still hurts. Him. I even had a dream about calling him. I just wanted to ask him “Why?” Why did you just leave? Why didn’t you at least call? Why’d you do the things you did? Sure, I’ve gotten the “oh, he’s not worth it” speech, but really. He was the only one who gave me a chance. I thought so anyway. After 3 years, I should be completely over him, but for some ungodly reason, I feel…incomplete. Maybe I should have called him 3 years ago. Maybe it wouldn’t be entirely bad.

I hate being alone. Hate it. And it kills me to know that at this pace, I’m going to be alone for a very long time. …Alone on the log. Hm. That thing I drew has meaning to it after all.

In any event, I’ve been sick for a few days now. Weak mainly. I guess it can be a good thing, since I go to bed earlier, but…I like going to bed at 2. Yes, I’m horrible, but I’m a night owl. I’m a complete bitch in the morning, so I would stay away from waking up too early (as of late, I’ve been failing miserably). But chyeah, few people know exactly what’s happening, I won’t go too much into it, but if you’re a woman, you’d probably figure it out anyway. Headaches, cramps, irritability, wanting to beat the shit outta someone…yeah.

Online, I really need to make a new theme for over here, and try to make progress in the 4570274572 web projects I’m trying (and failing) to take on. I guess message boards take up most of my time, AND since I decided to join Humble Voice, it isn’t making it any better. Speaking of which, why not join? Mine is wtfshadow. Yeah, join. Make me your referrer. Oh, and you should also join Unwell MB and The Lounge. I’m WTFShadow?! at Unwell and Shadow; at The Lounge. Come on, there’s free sex1 involved!

And with that, I shall go. I’ve actually ran out of things to say.

1Okay, so there isn’t sex per se. I think you should just go there. Just for the fuck of it.

9 thoughts on “Deja Vu all over again…”

  1. Ahh thats shit you feel the same but maybe now is the time to take your life in your hands for 2007 and work towards more positive changes to get out of this funk. Hope things go well for you πŸ™‚

  2. Hmm… Sounds like you’ve been having a hard time lately. I used to hate being alone as well. However, now for some reason, I prefer being alone. But that’s just me. I hope everything works out for you soon.

  3. In the event of me coming into a relatively unknown situation, I’m sorry all I can say is I hope everything turns out well for you. It seems around this time of year, everyone {including myself} is doing a bit of retrospective. I’ve looked at all of my past entries as well, and those of my friends. Some have been really funny, and some haven’t been happy at all, but I guess that all comes with the passage of time.

    I hope everything turns out well.

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