Heavily medicated for your protection

So basically this is where I’ve been for the past two weeks.  You may choose to believe it or not, but keep in mind that what I’m about to say is 100 percent true. I wouldn’t lie about anything but my last name 🙂

Two weeks ago, I went into this mode where I thought I’ve wasted years of my life.  I felt like I’d never get out of my dead end job, and that I’ll never get a boyfriend, or anything like that.  In other words, I would never be happy with life, and two Sundays ago, I was seriously considering saying “fuck it” and end it all.  But of course my saving grace saved me again, and I didn’t do it.  The next day…I had a terrible feeling.  So terrible that I was going to cancel my therapist appointment.

But I didn’t. Dunno why, but I sat there in her office, and told her how I felt. The truth.  Just 4 days before my 21st, I just felt like an emotional mess, and my job wasn’t making it any better. So when it got to the “thoughts” part, I told her the truth (I kinda regret it now), and she called in my doctor.  Then Mr. Give-Me-Your-Insurance-Money said the one thing that I had the terrible feeling about–“call the hospital”.  So they called the ambulance.  I was hysterical at this point, and they told me “okay, it will take only 24 hours then they’ll release me.” My ass.

I was in the ER for a day and they told me that I was admitted there for a week.  My ass again. I was there for two weeks (today would have made two weeks).  I was there feeling much better while they were off dragging their feet.  I would have been out in a week, but no. I have to stay there for the full two weeks that they could have kept me.  I was vying to get out before my birthday, and it didn’t happen.  So for those who were wondering how my birthday went, it sucked, and I rather not talk about it.

So I’m back, and I’m extremely sorry to the Despair/Xposure people who I didn’t get.  I’m cleaning out my mail box, so when I get done with that, I’ll be returning comments.  Speaking of returning comments, I have a shitload, in the form of 32, to return.  That’s a record.  So I have my work cut out for me, lol.

Speaking of work, I’m still doing treatment, so I’m taking a well needed 6-week leave from Target.  Not only for the mind, but for the sake of my ailing feet as well.  I might go back for a few more months and then leave or just leave altogether and go into office temp agencies.  I just need to see the hours that Target will be giving me when I come back and work my way around it.

So I’m glad to be home.  Glad to be back on Crestfallen.  Back to normal.

24 thoughts on “Heavily medicated for your protection”

  1. You are a brave person for telling the truth. My fiance has a lot of depression issues and continually wants to end his life. He doesn’t even know why. So although I don’t know your battle and haven’t lived it, I do have an understanding of it. And I just want you to know that I think you’re a beautiful human being. Happy belated birthday.

  2. As you well know, I was very worried about you, so much so that Alecia got your number and we called it several times to the disappointment of finding that you weren’t home, or no one picked up. I’m glad though that you’re okay and always remember that you do have someone to talk too. I know exactly the road that you went down because I’ve been down there myself, except the difference is I actually did attempt to end my life. I know how hard it is to live in this world and the self doubt that constantly manages to find it’s way into your head, but just know that people do love you, and do care about you, if we didn’t your absence would not worry us. Just know that it did go notice and you are in our hearts. I love you dear, please don’t ever forget that!

  3. I’m so glad you’re back. I was worried about you.

    It’s really brave that you’re telling the truth about all of this. I think facing your problems and expressing them is a big part of the healing process. I really hope you do feel better now. And I’m sure you will live a happy life with a nice job and a good boyfriend one day. I know it’s easier said than done, but never give up hope again. You’re a great girl and you will be rewarded for that in life. Take care hon.

  4. My gosh! I can sympathize quite a lot with you, Nat Marie. I was in hospital a few years ago and they wouldn’t let me go when I said I was ready. I can’t believe they kept you in there for your birthday. I sincerely hope you’re okay!

    I had emailed you earlier, about Swamped, but my email was returned. I had a weird feeling that something rather horrible had happened to you after that…

    I really, really do hope that everything is fine now. I’ll resend the email I sent later… once you have gotten back into the swing of things.


  5. Dont let those thoughts get to you, you mean more than that! BTW, i give you all the chocolate in our store. its h=good stuff, i hope it can help 🙂 That was a long time to be in hospital im sorry to hear, and im sorry about your birthday but HAPPY BELATED BIRThDAY anyway !

  6. Sorry you had to feel that way on your bday, and be hospitalized too 😐 thatsucks, but aslong as you’re better now 🙂 I usually get a little crise when i realize I’m growing up too, I think it’s normal 🙂

  7. Oh my gosh, that’s horrible! It sounds like they were tricking you into going there. That’s so ridiculous. But I hope you’re doing better now. Go out and have fun — you missed your 21st birthday! You need to make up for it!

  8. Thank you for your comment on my blog about how I have greatly improved! And I live in England so it was Mothers Day last weekend!

    Aww, I am sorry they kept you in for so long, when you didn’t feel it was necisary! It is a shame you had a rubbish birthday … hopefully you are feeling much better now!

  9. You’re really brave to say the truth and I admire you for that. I’m sorry the doctors kept you in ER for so long – what a nightmare! At least you’re back home and everything. I hope you find a better job because Target doesn’t sound like a fun place to work. I hope you find something that you like to do and is worth working for! I hope you feel better and less drepressed because feeling depressed is not cool. Are you making up for your 21st birthday? You should!!

  10. its sad about what you go through. Life is so hard and its hard to look up when things are in the shit storm. Just stand proud cuz you are one awesome-funny-cool-crazy child! lol

    much luv, feel better!!!!….or else lol!:roll:

  11. I just e-mailed you beautiful. You’re so brave for sharing this. I went through the same exact thing actually. But I didn’t tell anyone about it. I was so ashamed of myself. I told you all about it in my e-mail. I’m so glad you’re okay. I’ve been so worried about you! I love you!!

  12. I’m actually not staying at my job for much longer (even though I’ve only officially worked there for 2 weeks) because I’m going back to school in August.

  13. Wow girl, I had no idea about what you were dealing with. I’m SO glad to see you back though! *hugs you* And I know that we don’t really know eachother too personally, besides our blogs and on message boards, but I’ve always admired you because you have such a good head on your shoulders. If you ever need anything, anything at all, I’m here for you.

  14. hey thanks for visiting and commenting on my site~appreciate it a lot….aww i hope you feeling better now!!i know its kinda shitty but you gotta move on and look forward!!!really really hope you are feeling much more better now!!take care and have a nice weekend~

  15. hey thanks for visiting and commenting my site~awww…i hope you feeling better now!!i know its kinda shitty but you gotta move on and look forward!!i really really do hope you feeling much more better now….take care and have a nice weekend~

  16. I’ve been in your position before, but in the end I think it was for the best. At least it let my RL friends know I wasnt just shitting around – this was rather serious. This was my first time stumbling onto your site and I’m happy I did.. things like this are hard to deal with, keep your chin up, even if you can’t see it, there is a light somewhere at the end of the tunnel. No matter what 😎 even if it -really- doesn’t seem like it.

  17. Are you feeling better? I hope you are! I’m sad because I’m graduating… ok, not because of that, for that I’m happy. hehe. I’m sad for leaving my friends. Loving the new layout!! It just like peaceful!! adieu and take care

  18. AWE…honey i think you are wonderful!! The fact that you even think that much to have an inclining tha tyou are unhappy and that you have the BRAVERY to seek help is amazing! You are an amazing person and you don’t need any other validation than that from yourself. Amazing work on your site BTW…keep it up!:wink:

  19. I’m so glad that you are okay. I mean I know nothing about what you are going through so it’s hard for me to understand your situation but yeah just take it one day at a time and really enjoy the weeks off work that you have – I know how stressful a job can make your life.

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